Friday, October 23, 2009

More Dress up!

So here are some pics that I took last weekend. Hubby went into the nursery to get Diana and found one of her cute little dresses :) It was just about too small, so we decided to put her in it so we could gush about how adorable she is in it before it did get to small. Here are some of the pics, notice how she is learning how to stand!

Perspectives (rambelings about my current life)

Well, I think after 23 years on this earth I am starting to learn a little bit about putting things into perspective. I tend to sometimes get caught up in the moment, which is not always a bad thing, but with living in only the moment it can be hard to see past the things you are going through at that moment.

I know that my children will all end up growing up and I also know that here in a few years it will get to the point where I will be so busy all the time that I will wonder why I didn't make better use of all my quite time at home when I just had one quite baby here.

Now, I love to journal and write, I have kept a journal ever since I was 9. I love to record what goes on and look back to see how things (including myself) have changed. When I go through some of my journals that I kept when I was young, there are some pages ripped out and entry's that have been scribbled out. I would sometimes write about a struggle that I had or something that I was upset about and feel better after getting it off my chest, but then would be ashamed of how I felt or how stupid I was being and rip out the entry. When I look back at those empty sections I'm sorry that I tore them out. It was a part of my life, a personal struggle, and I got past it or over it. The fact that I went through it means I have been growing and there is nothing wrong with that!

After writing my blog entry on here ( This one) I almost took it off because after I reread it I was embarrassed about it. But, I have decided not too! Although it's normally just my family that gets on here to see pictures of the cutest baby ever, there are other random people who end up on these pages. I want any other mom who is going through what I am going through to know that this is normal and OK! And at it's worst, it's just a season and you have to look at things in perspective, not just that moment or even the moments that you will be going through tomorrow, or later that week.

So, after much thought, talking to others, and most of all time with my bible and in prayer, I feel so much more uplifted! I know I still will get lonely and have those feelings, but I truly do have the best job in the world and the best husband to help me.

Oh, and as a side note I spent hours yesterday reading over my old journals and notebooks. I saw that there were more days than I remember when I hated being so busy! There were days at work that customers would yell and scream at me and I would not see eye to eye with my bosses, those days or sometimes that week I would want to quite so bad! I loved my job because of all the people I got to talk too and help ( I was the only known girl at walmart who loved working from Thanksgiving to Christmas) and most all the bosses were awesome and got along great with me. But sometime I would have just given anything to get away, and sometimes I did!
I would just call into work sick and take the day off! But of course, this was not the norm.

I love learning and going to school was a great experience for me. I loved engaging teachers in conversation, being involved in lots of activities, and all that awesome college stuff. But of course there were the days where the tests were too hard, the professors weren't understanding, and the other girls could be so cruel. I would cry and just wanted to quit. Sometimes, I did play hooky or not go to meetings, but this was also not the norm.

I am now in a completely different period of my life and still trying to learn about being the wife and mom that God created me to be. There are days when I feel like running away, but I can't :) But there are other ways of dealing with things, like sharing more with my husband just how hard it can be, or seeking Christ and praying for help instead of thinking my problems are too small. I truly love my life and would not trade it for anyone elses!

As a ending note, since my baby is always so Happy to see me in the mornings, I made sure to have my camera on my phone ready went I went to go wake my daughter from her nap the other day. She smiled so big when I came to get her! Doesn't she have the cutest morning look?! Everything is going to be OK.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Although always there, the sun does not always shine

Being a stay at home mom is the best job in the world, I love being here for my Baby ( also soon baby to be!) and my husband. But I have decided that this is also the hardest job in the world; mostly do to the fact that there is no break, no quitting time, no vacation. You're always "on call" morning, noon, and night.

For the most part I really do love being here, but it can wear you down. I really do try to always look at the bright side but sometimes perfect hubby is grumpy, cute baby wont stop screaming, and the dog takes a crap on the floor. There are tons of dishes piled in the sink, papers all awry, and many bills that need to be paid. Sometimes, (like today and yesterday) I just want to run away and be alone for a little while. But I just settle for putting the baby in the crib, ignoring the housework, and sit in the bathroom and cry.

Being a stay at home mom can be so lonely... being inside these four apartment walls morning, noon, and night. It's amazing that I often go 8-10 hours talking to no one but the dog and baby. Which not only makes me feel totally socially deprived and isolated, but I'm sure you can only imagine the great conversation that makes for when hubby gets home.

Im such a dork... I look forward to going to the food store so I can "Do things outside of the house" For the most part I don't mind making phone calls to bill collectors "because that will provide me with all the more ADULTS to talk too" and when hubby gets home I'm often so desperate for conversation I'll want him to tell me the details of the ride home or people's conversations at work. It makes me feel so pathetic. It really does.

The past two days have been horrible. Baby has been upset and fussy, the dog has crapped twice on the floor, I feel so sick, and have absolutely no motivation to clean. (which has resulted in days worth of laundry, dishes, and cleaning for me to do) The loneliness has really gotten to me and hubby does not understand because he says that it's his dream to not have to talk to annoying people all day. I get upset that he doesn't understand and end up being a pissy wife, which make me feel like a worse person. Oh yeah, and Im already gaining weight in this pregnancy because Im always hungry and I feel fat and ugly. Oh yeah, and I ran out of formula and it will be a couple of hours before hubby gets home so I asked people on Yahoo Answers for opinions on what to give her to drink, (other than the baby food I will be feeding her) and a bunch of people told me I was a negligent mother and made me cry.

Anyway, although the days are usually sunny, some days being at home all day are harder than others. Normally I can find ways to pass the time, but sometimes although I know it's there, the sun just does not shine.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

There is no going back after this!

Well, I can't begin to even talk about all the things that we were going to do with Didi but have decided not too, one of those things being to not let her have any candy until she is older and only on holidays! Well, not only have we let her try sweet things, but this past weekend Daniel and I wanted to see what would happen if we gave her a sucker :) We were there watching her the whole time of course, and we only let her have it for just a minute or two, and needless to say she loved it! It's amazing how much of a mess she made within those two quick minutes! So adorable!!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Quilting time!

Well, it's sewing time! Of course I am a stay at home mom (SAHM) and love doing crafty things:) And although I don't usually need to rush (I have all day!) sewing everything by hand gets boring quick! Well, for my birthday my MOTHER in law got me a sewing machine!!!!!!!!!!!

Although I got it on Saturday, things have been so crazy here that today was the first day that I was able to spend hours playing with it! As a first craft I decided that I will make little didi a quilt. I actually decided this over a year ago but got agitated at how long it would take me to sew everything so I kinda gave it up. But today I took out the cloth, cut out some squares and started sewing! Here are the pics , more to come later, Hubby is home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!