I know that my children will all end up growing up and I also know that here in a few years it will get to the point where I will be so busy all the time that I will wonder why I didn't make better use of all my quite time at home when I just had one quite baby here.
Now, I love to journal and write, I have kept a journal ever since I was 9. I love to record what goes on and look back to see how things (including myself) have changed. When I go through some of my journals that I kept when I was young, there are some pages ripped out and entry's that have been scribbled out. I would sometimes write about a struggle that I had or something that I was upset about and feel better after getting it off my chest, but then would be ashamed of how I felt or how stupid I was being and rip out the entry. When I look back at those empty sections I'm sorry that I tore them out. It was a part of my life, a personal struggle, and I got past it or over it. The fact that I went through it means I have been growing and there is nothing wrong with that!
After writing my blog entry on here ( This one) I almost took it off because after I reread it I was embarrassed about it. But, I have decided not too! Although it's normally just my family that gets on here to see pictures of the cutest baby ever, there are other random people who end up on these pages. I want any other mom who is going through what I am going through to know that this is normal and OK! And at it's worst, it's just a season and you have to look at things in perspective, not just that moment or even the moments that you will be going through tomorrow, or later that week.
So, after much thought, talking to others, and most of all time with my bible and in prayer, I feel so much more uplifted! I know I still will get lonely and have those feelings, but I truly do have the best job in the world and the best husband to help me.
Oh, and as a side note I spent hours yesterday reading over my old journals and notebooks. I saw that there were more days than I remember when I hated being so busy! There were days at work that customers would yell and scream at me and I would not see eye to eye with my bosses, those days or sometimes that week I would want to quite so bad! I loved my job because of all the people I got to talk too and help ( I was the only known girl at walmart who loved working from Thanksgiving to Christmas) and most all the bosses were awesome and got along great with me. But sometime I would have just given anything to get away, and sometimes I did!
I would just call into work sick and take the day off! But of course, this was not the norm.
I love learning and going to school was a great experience for me. I loved engaging teachers in conversation, being involved in lots of activities, and all that awesome college stuff. But of course there were the days where the tests were too hard, the professors weren't understanding, and the other girls could be so cruel. I would cry and just wanted to quit. Sometimes, I did play hooky or not go to meetings, but this was also not the norm.
I am now in a completely different period of my life and still trying to learn about being the wife and mom that God created me to be. There are days when I feel like running away, but I can't :) But there are other ways of dealing with things, like sharing more with my husband just how hard it can be, or seeking Christ and praying for help instead of thinking my problems are too small. I truly love my life and would not trade it for anyone elses!
As a ending note, since my baby is always so Happy to see me in the mornings, I made sure to have my camera on my phone ready went I went to go wake my daughter from her nap the other day. She smiled so big when I came to get her! Doesn't she have the cutest morning look?! Everything is going to be OK.
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