Friday, October 16, 2009

Although always there, the sun does not always shine

Being a stay at home mom is the best job in the world, I love being here for my Baby ( also soon baby to be!) and my husband. But I have decided that this is also the hardest job in the world; mostly do to the fact that there is no break, no quitting time, no vacation. You're always "on call" morning, noon, and night.

For the most part I really do love being here, but it can wear you down. I really do try to always look at the bright side but sometimes perfect hubby is grumpy, cute baby wont stop screaming, and the dog takes a crap on the floor. There are tons of dishes piled in the sink, papers all awry, and many bills that need to be paid. Sometimes, (like today and yesterday) I just want to run away and be alone for a little while. But I just settle for putting the baby in the crib, ignoring the housework, and sit in the bathroom and cry.

Being a stay at home mom can be so lonely... being inside these four apartment walls morning, noon, and night. It's amazing that I often go 8-10 hours talking to no one but the dog and baby. Which not only makes me feel totally socially deprived and isolated, but I'm sure you can only imagine the great conversation that makes for when hubby gets home.

Im such a dork... I look forward to going to the food store so I can "Do things outside of the house" For the most part I don't mind making phone calls to bill collectors "because that will provide me with all the more ADULTS to talk too" and when hubby gets home I'm often so desperate for conversation I'll want him to tell me the details of the ride home or people's conversations at work. It makes me feel so pathetic. It really does.

The past two days have been horrible. Baby has been upset and fussy, the dog has crapped twice on the floor, I feel so sick, and have absolutely no motivation to clean. (which has resulted in days worth of laundry, dishes, and cleaning for me to do) The loneliness has really gotten to me and hubby does not understand because he says that it's his dream to not have to talk to annoying people all day. I get upset that he doesn't understand and end up being a pissy wife, which make me feel like a worse person. Oh yeah, and Im already gaining weight in this pregnancy because Im always hungry and I feel fat and ugly. Oh yeah, and I ran out of formula and it will be a couple of hours before hubby gets home so I asked people on Yahoo Answers for opinions on what to give her to drink, (other than the baby food I will be feeding her) and a bunch of people told me I was a negligent mother and made me cry.

Anyway, although the days are usually sunny, some days being at home all day are harder than others. Normally I can find ways to pass the time, but sometimes although I know it's there, the sun just does not shine.

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